School is back in session

Well, not for me.  Ever ever ever again.

But for Zev, yes.  Nicole is back!  Meredith has her last day on Friday and Nicole has started nannying with us again.  For this initial week, she is bringing her daughter because she could not get her daughter into the day care until 9/1.  If three children are hard, I can't imagine a newborn, twin 9 month old girls, and a toddler.  Yikes.  Luckily Shaniya is still in the sleep-mode, only being about 3 months old.  Still...I'm sure its a very loud house during the day...

I think the summer went quite well.  Meredith did a good job and we will be using her ocassionally as a babysitter.  Jason and I took her and her boyfriend out for dinner last Saturday as a 'thank you and good-bye' celebration.  I think she'll do well.  She learned a lot and I'm sure she is MUCH more comfortable with babies now.  Ha.

A few photos just for fun...

Fun times.

Getting a little nervous about my surgery in a few weeks.  I am scheduled for a diastasis repair on 9/22.  The recovery is pretty brutal and I'll be out of work for about a week and a half, at minimum.  I've been pondering why its starting to bother me, and I think it isn't the pain/discomfort issue per se.  Or even the bedrest itself...after all, I've been-there-done-that.  I think its the FACT that the last time I was recovering from abdominal surgery, the girls were in the NICU.  I worry feeling the same sorts of aches/pains and dealing with the same movement restrictions is going to bring up a lot of anxiety for me in a PTSD-fashion.  Similar to when I see anything Christmas-related...I was listening to some music the other day and it has a 'Christmas-y' feel to it, and immediately felt out-of-sorts.  Hopefully since I'm prepared the anxiety will not be so bad.  I'm also concerned about the recovery itself...making sure it goes well and I don't do too-much-too soon.  If I've learned my lesson from before, I'll take it easy this time....

Other updates:  our tree is (finally) going to be taken down.  The girls are doing fantastically.  They have their six month IE review in a few weeks, and I think they'll be kicked out of the program.  We tried to offer Meorah some solid food over the weekend...and after being hit by projectile vomit, I decided to wait a few more weeks before trying again.  She is so so so so so close to crawling with purpose.  She can scoot herself around and reach out for things she wants, but she hasn't quite figured out how to pull her full body forward yet.  In a few weeks, I'm sure.  Tzelia is closely behind her in terms of gross motor, although definitely more verbal and I've heard a few 'ga ga's in between the 'ba ba's. 

Zev is...Zev.  He's doing great sleeping in his 'big boy bed'.  He's just a funny kid.  Now that Nicole is back, she's going to be working on some potty training with him.  He's well aware and knows that once Shaniya is gone, the potty is coming back.  Dum dum dum......

I still need a vacation.  Looking forward to when I can stop using the breastpump.  It will be 9 months in another week or so.  I'd love to make it a year....

just a picture

First, thanks to all for the support that has been offered.  I will eventually write a post that explains what is going on, but just don't have the energy to do so.  For now, a new picture...probably the best that we have of the three of them...

And one of me and Zev taken this weekend:

censoring

The problem with having a blog that my friends and family know about is that I have to consider what I'm writing.

I have a lot going on right now and much of it is very personal.  Because of the public nature of this blog I don't feel like I can really divulge what is going on, but at the same time I need some way to cope with how I'm feeling.  So I may end up writing rather abstractly for awhile, but also just try to focus on the purpose of the blog, which is really how my kiddos are doing.

But before I get into that, I will just say:  this year has been horrific.  I feel like I'm caught in some kind of vortex of Hell.  I'm watching people around me handle things in a way that upsets me, but I do not feel it is my place to criticize.  So I'm stuck feeling angry, stressed, sad, and in a sort of limbo-area as I wait to see if all the cards fall or if the house stays upright.  I know how hard it is to make difficult decisions, but at the same time, one can be respectful of others while they are processing their thoughts and trying to figure out how best to proceed.  It hurts me immensely to see people I love being hurt especially by others I also love.

I really need to remove myself from this situation emotionally because its just killing me.  I need to focus on other things for awhile.  I'm trying my best, but its difficult.

The kiddos...

Zev has his new 'big boy bed'.  The first nap...epic fail.  The first night:  slightly better.  He went up there, and after a little while we heard the door open and the light treading of little feet.  Then a door slam.  A few minutes later, we heard the door open again and little feet.  And a little voice:

"Daddy...daddy....come open the gate so I can come downstairs"

a) Impressive that it was a very complex sentence
b) Amusing that he knew I wouldn't do it (Mommy says 'no')
c) Mild fear that this was going to be going on all night (it didn't...Jason went up and Zev did end up staying in his room)

So the girls are now in their own cribs in their room and Zev has his little bed.  It makes reading in his room a little difficult (I manage to squeeze onto the bed with him, but Jason just sits on the floor next to the bed) but it was time for the transition.  Not so much for Zev, but for Meorah.  Meorah has a tendency to migrate across the crib and there have been a few nights we hear Tzelia crying because Meorah had found her way over to her and rolled on top of her.  It would piss me off if I was woken up by some baby rolling on top of me and drooling on my face too.  So for the first time since the NICU, the girls are in separate beds.  I don't think they really care.

Still dealing with the house issues.  Hopefully we can figure out all the insurance stuff and get it taken care of.  Just one more stress I have to deal with...

I need a vacation.  Or a personal day.  I'd take one (and do it for real, unlike last time in which my 'personal day' was really a 'get all my shit done day') but I have too much going on at work.

I need a vacation...