censoring

The problem with having a blog that my friends and family know about is that I have to consider what I'm writing.

I have a lot going on right now and much of it is very personal.  Because of the public nature of this blog I don't feel like I can really divulge what is going on, but at the same time I need some way to cope with how I'm feeling.  So I may end up writing rather abstractly for awhile, but also just try to focus on the purpose of the blog, which is really how my kiddos are doing.

But before I get into that, I will just say:  this year has been horrific.  I feel like I'm caught in some kind of vortex of Hell.  I'm watching people around me handle things in a way that upsets me, but I do not feel it is my place to criticize.  So I'm stuck feeling angry, stressed, sad, and in a sort of limbo-area as I wait to see if all the cards fall or if the house stays upright.  I know how hard it is to make difficult decisions, but at the same time, one can be respectful of others while they are processing their thoughts and trying to figure out how best to proceed.  It hurts me immensely to see people I love being hurt especially by others I also love.

I really need to remove myself from this situation emotionally because its just killing me.  I need to focus on other things for awhile.  I'm trying my best, but its difficult.

The kiddos...

Zev has his new 'big boy bed'.  The first nap...epic fail.  The first night:  slightly better.  He went up there, and after a little while we heard the door open and the light treading of little feet.  Then a door slam.  A few minutes later, we heard the door open again and little feet.  And a little voice:

"Daddy...daddy....come open the gate so I can come downstairs"

a) Impressive that it was a very complex sentence
b) Amusing that he knew I wouldn't do it (Mommy says 'no')
c) Mild fear that this was going to be going on all night (it didn't...Jason went up and Zev did end up staying in his room)

So the girls are now in their own cribs in their room and Zev has his little bed.  It makes reading in his room a little difficult (I manage to squeeze onto the bed with him, but Jason just sits on the floor next to the bed) but it was time for the transition.  Not so much for Zev, but for Meorah.  Meorah has a tendency to migrate across the crib and there have been a few nights we hear Tzelia crying because Meorah had found her way over to her and rolled on top of her.  It would piss me off if I was woken up by some baby rolling on top of me and drooling on my face too.  So for the first time since the NICU, the girls are in separate beds.  I don't think they really care.

Still dealing with the house issues.  Hopefully we can figure out all the insurance stuff and get it taken care of.  Just one more stress I have to deal with...

I need a vacation.  Or a personal day.  I'd take one (and do it for real, unlike last time in which my 'personal day' was really a 'get all my shit done day') but I have too much going on at work.

I need a vacation...