Saturday, November 6, 2010

The terrible threes....

Zev will be three in January.  The following is a pity-party/vent/cry session.  I know all this behavior is typical for his age, so I'm not concerned about it.  Its just...a very difficult age.

And I know why...he's recognizing his feelings more but still doesn't have all the verbal ability to explain what he means.  He has no filter in his brain, so everything he thinks/feels just blows out of him.  While he understands a lot, at the same time he's a toddler, so there are certain more abstract concepts he just doesn't get.  Words he doesn't understand.  Superimpose that on a fierce need to be independent, high activity, high emotion, and a very (naturally) self-centered way of looking at the world...

Well, you end up with a very narcissistic person who reminds me of the brain damaged patients I used to work with a decade ago...those with complete frontal lobe impairment who were just completely inappropriate and high-needs.  Only he likes to scream and cry when he doesn't like something and is much more willing to do it for a very long time.


He's also very perseverative (also a sign on frontal lobe damage....), and if I hear the songs from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory one more time....

I just don't have a lot of patience for him right now.  And that makes me feel bad.  At the end of the work day, I'm running around trying to make meals for the next day, make dinner for everyone, clean up, feed the girls, make baby food to name it.  I feel like Zev gets the short-shift in all of that.

He's also in a daddy-phase right now, which makes me feel horrible.  And I know THAT is normal too, but I can't help but think its partly due to all the health problems I've had for a year now (!!!!).  Bed rest with my pregnancy, exhaustion/sickness after the girls were born, ulcer sickness, now the surgery recovery....I've been on a 'hands-off' mode for a year.  How can that not affect how he sees me?  He's learned that he can't jump on mommy, that mommy has a 'boo-boo', that mommy is resting, that I can't jump around and play like daddy can....

So it really hurts my feelings now and I feel like its my fault.  I know it isn't and that this has just been a bugger of a year.  But the constant rejection (and I mean every single night he'll throw a fit if I try to put him to bed...there is only so much rejection you can take) is starting to wear on me.

The answer is more play time with him, obviously, but I'm still in recovery-mode, so that's hard.  And, as I said, I'm not a naturally patient person, so I have a hard time slowing down and being really 'there' for this little brain damaged person.

I know this is just a phase for him (and for me).  I just hope when the girls are this age things are a little better....maybe the fact that they are girls?  Regardless, my health should be better by then and I will hopefully have learned enough from this period with Zev to help next time.  Because TWO brain damaged people running around....well, I don't even want to think about that....


  1. How about reading him a book before bed?
    Hang in there, as you said, it'll get better as he gets older and you get back to normal.

    I have the utmost respect for how you're handling all this ... three kids under 3, surgery, the pumping ... there's not a lot of women that can handle that!

    Vicky (aka mommieq)

  2. Aw, thanks. I do admit that it is getting easier, but three under three is just going to be hard in general.

    He gets two stories before bed...our routine is to brush his teeth (which he likes), into pjs, two stories, and then bed. I've been wondering if some of it is a blood sugar issue...he hasn't been eating that much before bed. We don't eat dinner until after he goes to bed, so I usually make him something separately. I ask if he's hungry but he says no and I think that's making him moody. Rather than ask, I think I"m just going to start giving him food and seeing if that helps...