Prescription from my doctor: 2x/day Prilosec for a month, and if I don't feel better I get to have an endoscopy. Part of me feels like I don't want to waste my time and just have the endoscopy NOW. I've done the 2x/day routine and while it helped a little...if it worked, would I still be in this place? At the same time, having an endoscopy doesn't exactly thrill me. So we'll give it a whirl. Its just another month. I have found that Maalox helps, but I can't stay on that forever (as my husband pointed out, that would just be asking for esophogeal cancer....that's what I get for marrying an oncology NP).
The girls are becoming more and more interactive. I've been obsessing a little bit about Meorah. She has been a bit less interactive compared to Tzelia: more needy, more volatile, more fussy, less eye contact. I hold Tzelia and she will hold my gaze and try to talk to me. Meorah is more often upset and less willing to look at me. Which of course, given her preemie status, sent me into a panic that something is wrong. It isn't completely unrealistic for me to be worried: they are at higher risk of sensory integration disorders and other problems, and these things can be exhibited rather early. The girls see an OT once a month, and they have an appointment next week, so I was planning on staying home for the appointment so I can chat with the OT and have her work with Meorah on tracking, bringing limbs to midline, and other benchmarks I feel she isn't as strong at.
And then last night I had a great interaction with Meorah and now feel better. She was nice and calm, and we spent a good amount of time cooing at each other. I think Jason is right: she just gets upset very easily, so when she is in that state she is going to be harder to play with. Once she is calm, she does make eye contact and it is easier to see that she is making milestones. She is just hard to keep calm. She isn't a 'fussy' baby...she just likes the one-on-one interaction, and that is hard to do with twins. So I feel better. But I am still going to talk to the OT on Thursday.
Other news for me....as more and more time goes on, I am becoming more and more interested in becoming vegetarian. I haven't eaten chicken or meat in...a very long time. Not since I was in the hospital on bed rest and the only thing on the menu that was palatable was a baked chicken breast (which I had twice a day for two weeks....ugh). I am starting to have a visceral reaction when I think about eating meat now...Jason bought some schmaltz to make matzo balls for Passover and I almost threw up thinking about it. He asked me to taste some of the soup he made with it, and again...the thought made me ill (although I did do it). I just kept thinking about the turkey carcas soaking in water and drinking it what came off of it. It just sounds nasty. I've also been reading a lot of vegan blogs and they really intrigue me. I find myself gravitating more towards that type of eating. I don't want to go full vegan (I like eggs way too much and need protein for my lifting), but more and more a more 'whole foods/natural' approach is occupying my brain. So I'm playing around with the idea. I do like fish though, and since I keep kosher, eating fish makes going out to eat much easier since I also generally stay away from heavy grain dishes due to digestive problems. Eh....everyone is a work in progress, and it will be interesting to see where this interest goes. Regardless, I think I'd like to try to make more vegetarian main meals to try out, concentrating more on legumes, seitan, and whole foods. At the very least, it will be fun.
I've also changed around my workout program (I keep a separate fitness journal so as to keep that separate) and am really concentrating on lifting and regaining my strength. It is going quite well, actually, and am I rather excited about it. I have a pretty extensive knowledge about lifting and have gone back to a similar type program that I did years ago: a push/pull split with very minimal cardio. This is more conducive to my goals and I look forward to seeing how it will progress. If I can regain the strength I lost while on bed rest, I'll be pretty happy. Its slowly coming along. My endurance is also horrible, but I care less about that. I don't really want to spend my time on a cardio machine, and I figure I don't need to be able to run a marathon, ya know? Doing minimally there just for the health benefits and stay 'relatively' in cardiovascular shape. But I think people who run regularly are a little nutso...