Just some more pictures....

Because we have them....

And my fave:

I had asked when the girls would start to notice each other in my last 'moms of multiples' meeting.  Singleton babies start noticing other babies around 7 months or so.  But for twins, it can be earlier.   I've noticed this in the girls:  Tzelia specifically has been 'sympathy' crying when she hears Meorah cry.  And while they do not interact with each other, I do catch them smiling at each other occasionally.  It will be fun to see how they grow up together.  After all, they are never alone right now:  they are always with each other and even sleep together in the same crib.  Is it weird to be jealous of that relationship?  Its something I'll probably never understand, but as I said, it will be a lot of fun watching it develop.  I'll have to check out some books on twin development and see what I can learn....

enter mommy guilt...

It was a rather long weekend.  What was supposed to be a two hour project on our deck stairs turned into an entire weekend project for my husband.  The original plan of replacing just a step became replacing the entire stairs as he discovered most of the wood was rotted.  So while he was busy doing that, I played single parent for most of the weekend.  I was able to do a bit of my own outdoor work; I needed to clear out my garden and get it ready for planting.  But other than that hour outside, the rest of my time was spent with the girls and Zev inside during the day.  We did manage to escape out to dinner Sat night, which was much needed.  By Sunday I still wasn't up for cooking, so we picked up food from Whole Foods for dinner.

Why so exhausting?  Zev decided it was time to act like a typical 2 year old.  A normally happy-go-lucky child became a melt-down loving toddler.  He would burst into tears over (nothing) little things four or five times a day all weekend.  Some of it was pretty normal for a toddler:  the response to a 'no', for example. And some of it was just communication issues, I think...he would often say he wanted something (to read a particular book) and then when I would tell him to go get it to read, he would freak out and scream NO!!  NO read book!! 

Just difficulty in expressing himself, perhaps.  But by Sunday I was rather short tempered, and I hate it when I feel short tempered with him.  It isn't fair...he's just being a toddler.  It isn't his fault he can't communicate well and it isn't his fault his parents are stressed and tired.  And it isn't his fault he can't get out during the week anymore.  Or that his weekday evenings are full of an exhausted Mommy and Daddy who just want to go to sleep and don't have enough energy to sit with him.

I need to do better with him.

I did take him to the YMCA for the 'tumbling' class I signed him up for.  He actually doesn't like the tumbling (the balance beam is 'scary'), but I found him a basketball and he LOVED that.  Even the teacher commented on how happy it made him.  So we spent half an hour chasing the basketball around while the other toddlers played on the little obstacle course that was set up.  I was hoping to chat with some of the other moms, but didn't get a chance since my son decided to ditch them all for the basketball.  Oh well.  I would have liked to have met new people (I really want to make new mommy friends...I feel like my social life is lacking), but it was more important to spend quality time with Zev.  And we had fun.

And following up on my last post, Zev's old day care will take him back two days/week for their preschool.  But after looking at the tuition (gasp!!), we decided to sign him up for a toddler group at a local temple.  It happens to be full, but if there is a cancellation we may get in.  If not, I'll just find individual things for him to do...more things at the YMCA, etc.  And Nicole will be mobile again, so they will be able to get out of the house.

This is hard.  And its hard for me not to be too jaded in general.  Survival mode is getting old...

Mothers Day Recap

My husband rocks.

He told me he had something planned for me for Mothers Day and that it was a surprise.  We had to be somewhere at 1pm and to expect to be done around 2:30.  We had Meredith (nanny) come over and he was going to whisk me somewhere.

Knowing him (and knowing what he knew I wanted/needed) I figured he had booked me for a massage somewhere.  I've been saying I needed one, and he is big on massage therapy.

I was right.  We ended up at Bella Sante and I was given a robe and flip flops.  They asked what I was there for, and I said I had no idea.  So imagine my surprise (and pleasure) in discovering that he had booked me for a vichy shower.  Thirty minutes of a salt scrub:   you are naked, with carefully placed towels, on a table and get a full body exfoliating scrub.  Followed by a warm rinse with a shower rod and the opportunity to lay there with the warm water sprinkling from above for as long as you like.

The only thing I would suggest is, if you go for this treatment, do NOT wear mascara.  I looked like a raccoon at this point.


After the shower, I stepped into the steam room while the room was prepped for a massage.  The last half hour was a full body massage with hot compresses infused with lavender.

Dude.  The only slightly disconcerting thing was the man doing my treatment.  He was about my age, but had a bit of a 'frat boy' take to him.  He would ask how I was doing, and I would respond that I was fine.  He would always reply: "All riiiight!!".  Yeah.  This isn't a sporting event.  Take the 'dude' attitude elsewhere, please.  But he gave a good massage and was very careful to tell me how he was averting his eyes when I needed to roll over...I was naked, after all.  I told him not to worry:  after all I went through in the hospital (pre-term labor drugs necessitating someone to lift my body to use a bed pan because I was too weak to lift up my butt, throwing up on people and in random containers, having someone wash me after using the bathroom, not to mention being in labor and all the exams that entails) I no longer have any real form of modesty or care about people seeing my body.  Whatever.

The treatment was fantastic.  I left covered in lavender oil, so next time I would probably bring extra clothes and use their shower.  And there may be a next time:  my MIL was wonderful enough to give me a GC to that same spa when she found out how much I liked it.  Now I just have to find the time to book another one...

Haven't posted pics in awhile.  These were from that morning:

Girls are getting big.  They are sleeping through the night, but I still get up to pump.  Its important to me to keep that going.  My first goal is 6 months, which is just another few weeks.  We will go from there.  

Zev is also doing fine, although I feel really guilty that he does not get out of the house so much, now that Nicole is doing so poorly.  She is only going to continue working until the end of the month, after which Meredith will take over.  I'm going to make sure Meredith gets out of the house at least 3x/week just so Zev can not feel so contained.  He seems happy and fine, but I wonder if his increased whiny-ness is due to being bored during the day.  And I'd like him to have some more stimulation and interaction other than his sisters.  I started looking into preschools, but it turns out he will only be 2 years 8 months in Sept....and all preschools require the kids to be 2.9.  Bugger!!  There is one toddler program that accepts younger children but it is full.  I may apply anyway just in case someone cancels, which is what the coordinator recommended.  And I'm sure when Nicole comes back in Sept she will be taking them out again....again, I just want him to be happy.  :(  He seems so fearful of the playground now, and he wasn't like that a year ago.  Luckily he plays well with others when he is with other children, but I don't want him to lose that either.  I want him to have friends his own age, and that's pretty difficult when he's stuck at home with his sisters all week....

I just tell myself he is young and this is just temporary.  He has lots of time to get out and be social.  Jason and I just have to also be sure to have good 1-1 time with him in the evening, which is hard when we are both tired and the girls need attention too.

But no one ever said this was easy...  which is why I really really needed that massage....

And it all went to Hell...

First the good news...it seems the Zantac is actually doing something!  The last few days I have had very minimal acid pain, which has made me very happy.  Still not quite 100%, but definitely an improvement.  All good.

And then yesterday everything went to Hell.  I had planned to run to the cloth diaper store to return/exchange the cloth diapers I had used on their 'borrowing' plan, and just as I got into the car I got a call from Nicole.  She was in triage with heart palpatations and a resting HR of 130.  She had been at the hospital for an appointment and Meredith (our other nanny) was home with the kiddos for the morning until Nicole could get there for the afternoon.

Great.  So I had to book it home to make sure Meredith could leave for her other job.  Was pulled over by a cop for reckless driving, but was crying due to the stress so I think she just took pity on me.  I let Meredith go and told her we'd update her when we learned how things were going.

But I still had to go to run this diaper errand because the diapers were due for return.  So, all three kids into the minivan!  Its hard enough with Jason and I doing it, but the 1:3 parent to child ratio definitely takes some work.  I did manage to make it out there and I'm sure I was a sight parallel parking the minivan and carting out the double stroller with the infant car seats and with Zev holding onto the stroller as we walked down the (very busy) street to the store.  But I did feel some achievement in getting the errand done and was able to return what I needed to return.

Made it home rather late for Zev's lunch, but he was able to eat and off to nap he went.  Now I was late pumping and I hadn't eaten, but neither had the girls.  The rest of the afternoon involved three females, lots of tears from everyone because the two littlest females refused to nap and wanted to be held non-stop while the big female really needed to pump (and, FYI, pumping while holding a crying baby doesn't work).  It really was my version of Hell.  I couldn't get Zev up from his nap until late because whenever I got up and was out of sight M would start to scream which would make T scream in empathy.  It was a no-win:  Zev had to be up but he would just add to the chaos.  Ugh.

We had an OT appointment that evening, and she was a little late, but it did go well, thank goodness.  As soon as Jason walked in the door, I said:  I'm done.  Was finally able to pump and he managed the three of them while I escaped to Stop and Shop to run away pick up some things quickly.

But I wasn't done.  When I got home, Zev was in bed but the girls were still extremely fussy.  Jason can stand their crying more than I, so I ended up continuing to feed them, and then I think Jason felt bad, so he took T while I took M.  FINALLY they were able to lay down but it was after another hour of needed to be held.

Really bad.  really really really bad.

As for Nicole, they are ruling out a cardiac shunt which could possibly mean she will not be able to return to work at all for the remainder of her pregnancy.  Leaving us to figure out what to do until Meredith can take over full-time.  And poor Nicole...at least with my complications MY health was ok.  She may be facing heart surgery if the cessation of her pregnancy doesn't alleviate her symptoms...

Yeah, the Zantac WAS working....

Me and the girls

Weekend alone with the girls...

Jason took Zev to Chicago for the weekend.  His first cousin once removed (daughter of his first cousin, for those not up to par on geneology!) was having her Bat Mitzvah this weekend.  Since this was the side of the family that recently had a death and we were unable to go to the funeral, it was doubly important for someone to go to this family event.  Jason thought it would be fun to bring Zev, provided I was fine being home alone with the girls for the weekend.  They left early Saturday morning and were back around midday on Sunday.

First me:  I actually had a nice time.  I'm lucky that the girls are quite easy.  I didn't get to sleep in (not that I do regularly anyway), but it was really nice spending some 1-1 time with them.  I think one of the best things in the world is when a baby is looking at you and you just know you are her whole world.  Such overwhelming love...it really is incredible.  I'm going to have to remember that feeling when they are 13 and yelling at me for being a mean mom and not letting them do whatever it is they want to do.  Ha.  As far as how it went, we got up, ate, we did a lot of tummy time/playtime.  While they napped I went through a bunch of my to-do list that I've been meaning to get done.

A big thing was Zev's toys.  He has a fair amount of toys like most kids.  Mainly books, but also Legos, blocks, puzzles, etc.  I am very anti-marketing towards children, but we also have some 'theme' toys:  Sesame Street, mainly, that other people have bought for him.  He does not watch TV at all (he is over 2 and I know lots of parents have their toddlers watch TV once in awhile, but I'm just not a fan of that plan for us...different strokes for different folks) but he knows Satan Elmo, Cookie-Monster, etc.  And he can recognize Mickey Mouse.  He doesn't know the 'newer' characters that seem to be popular now, again, because he doesn't watch TV and I don't buy those sorts of things.  I don't even know any of the characters I see around on children's toys.  But a lot of the toys he does have have lots and lots of pieces...which inevitably get lost.  Puzzle pieces, Lego pieces, parts of a train set, random blocks....one of my goals was to go through his bins and find all these pieces and try to put them together again.  And success!  Of course, by next week they will all be missing again, but at least I started...

My other 'to do' list was to go through the girls' clothes.  They are getting bigger (M is up to 10 lbs 7oz and T is up to 9 lbs 10 oz) and it was time to turn over their clothes.  And, I just got two big garbage bags full of clothes from someone in my 'moms of multiples' group for just $25.  Go me!!  At this point, I could open my own children's clothes boutique.  Next on my list if figuring out exactly how to organize all these clothes in their closets...  And figure out what to do with all the clothes they grew out of.  I do have to say, dressing girls is a lot more fun than dressing boys.  Lots of cute little outfits.

So it was a rather productive weekend.  Of course, I should have taken advantage of the situation and...napped.  Ha.  No.  My routine Saturday:  two loads of laundry, organized Zev's toys, organized the girls' clothes, researched more of my cloth diapering, pumped, took the girls for a walk, had a friend come over...there was no napping in there.  My girls did give me a nice gift though:  both slept through the night.  While T has been doing that somewhat regularly, M usually gets up once.  I think she decided to be nice to her mommy and slept from 8:30-6.  T slept from 9-9, the lazy thing.  But I won't complain.

I did very much miss Zev and Jason.  They had a good time and I'll post some pictures from their weekend once they are uploaded.

And back to Monday!