First year molars and utter exhaustion

I don't remember ever being this tired.  I sure I have been...after the Zev or the girls were born, etc.  But it has been a LONG LONG time.

Jason has a conference here in Boston for the Oncology Nursing Society.  So I was supposed to pick up the girls and Zev after work yesterday.  I went (in the rain, of course!!) to get the girls first, and found Meorah screaming in the arms of one of the caregivers.  Apparently she started crying about ten minutes prior to my arrival, with no obvious reason.  Since I still had to get Zev, I just put both girls in their stroller and ran through the rain to Zev's building.  It was easy picking him up, and we drove home, with Meorah screaming most of the way.

She was inconsolable at home, refusing dinner.  I couldn't even attempt to put her down without her screaming.  Zev, with the lack of empathy that comes with being three, kept asking for dinner and I had to do my best to make him something while holding Meorah (where was Tzelia during all this?  She has recently discovered a love for dragging a blanket around and sucking her thumb while walking on her knees...think 'Linus' from Peanuts...so she was somewhere doing that with her coat still on).  I got some Tylenol into Meorah and called Jason, telling him he had to come home ASAP.

Since God hates me, by the time he showed up Meorah was acting fine.  The Tylenol had kicked in.  We still had no idea what was wrong:  I had managed to take her temperature, but she didn't have one.  She ate and went to bed.

We were awakened at 1am by her screaming.  The rest of the night is somewhat of a blurr...I know she went back to sleep after we comforted her, and awoke again at 3am.  Jason went into her room and then yelled to me that he didn't know what was wrong with her:  she refused to calm down and was now spasming every few seconds or so.  We brought her into our room, which did help her calm down.  As long as she was laying on me she stayed relatively quiet, but still spasming ocassionally.  It was now after 3am.  Jason called the on-call doc at our pediatrician's office, and the nurse said the spasms were actually not abnormal and babies often did that if they were very upset.  We made an appointment for the following morning to bring her in.  After awhile she did calm down enough to be put back in her own crib in her room.

And in the morning she was all smiles.  Tired, but no problems having breakfast, and laughing and singing to herself as we drove to daycare.  We ended up cancelling the appointment...gave her some Motrin and hoped for the best, leaving her at daycare.

Molars coming in?  That's my best guess.  They are supposed to come in around one year of age, and she's almost 17 months, 14.5 adjusted.  If she'll let me, I'm going to take a look at her mouth tonight.

But in the meantime, I'm absolutely exhausted.  I still got up at five to go to the gym and lift (I originally wasn't going to, but I was awake anyway, so figured I may as well go even if it means going through the motions...I'm a sucker for routine).  I also have a cold, which doesn't help.  Ugh.  Seriously, seriously dragging along.  You don't want to know how many pots cups of coffee I've had today.  And I have a bottle of caffeine powder in my lab that has been teasing me....

Luckily its Friday so tonight is laid back.  I don't have to 'prep' anything for tomorrow.  Jason is going to be out all day at the conference, so it will just be me and the kids.  I asked a few people if they wanted to hang out, but most are busy.  Its supposed to be a nice day, so I think we'll play in the yard for awhile.  I may try to do some yard clean-up if they'll let me.  We'll see.

All I want to do is lay on the couch and watch a movie with Jason.  That sounds heavenly about now....

Pictures

Haven't done some in awhile.

That last one is a picture of us when all three of them were sick.  Lovely, huh?  Great expression on my face...

Life is....stressful.  What else is new.  Having a nice Passover, though.  We did a little seder at home with just the five of us.  A very very very short one.  Just long enough until the girls started screaming to go to bed.  I'm not sure how much Zev got out of it, but it was amusing watching him eat horseradish root.  "Spicy!!"

Off to dinner tonight at some friend's house for a passover-friendly dinner.  Then back to the grind for Monday.  And it is quite a grind....

Daycare week 2

Four full days of day care = three sick children.

The week ended with all three children having horrible fevers.  My mother in law came to visit last weekend and we had a really nice day out at the local zoo in the afternoon.  One of our 'groupon' buys last year was a zoo membership, so we get to go there for free now.  I had never been to this particular zoo (Franklin Park Zoo) and it was actually quite nice.  We wandered around a little bit and then let the kids play in one of the little playground areas they have there.  In the evening, my mother met us and we went out to dinner at a local Japanese restaurant we really like but rarely get to go to (Minado).  Jason and I love this place but since its a buffet, unless we have other adults with us we cannot go with the children.  And, it is rather $$$!  But the food is excellent and it is always crowded and very popular.

So while Saturday was lovely, Sunday we woke up with three sick children.  Zev spent the entire day zoned out on the couch with this grandmother.  Jason and I escaped for a nice lunch out while she watched the kids (thanks!!).  The girls ended up having fevers that evening, so I agreed to stay home with them.  We did end up taking them to the doctors Monday morning, and both girls have ear infections.  Jason stayed home with all three kids on Tuesday, and everyone was back to work/daycare by Wed.

Ugh.

Zev is still coughing a LOT.  He had been on antibiotics and Flonaze for three weeks with sinusitis, but he still sounds horrific.  We're going to give him a few more days and if it doesn't improve, take him to the doctor as well.  He has a horrible wet cough.  The girls, finally, are perked up and feeling better, but it is an...adventure...trying to get them to take their antibiotics.  Its a two person job:  one of us has to hold them down while the other forces their jaw open to drop the medicine in while the poor thing is crying and squirming.  This stuff is supposed to taste good, but they REFUSE to take it unless you force it in.  At least we only have a few more days of that.

I went to my 'moms of multiples' group the other evening and am now the 'Welcoming Chair' for my group.  I had wanted to be a more active member a few months ago, so when the current chair stepped down, the president asked me if I wanted to step in.  I said sure.  It isn't that difficult a job:  before each monthly meeting with have 'age based discussion rooms', where you go into a room with other MoMs with twins the same age and chat for an hour.  They are moderated by volunteers, so I just have to make sure each room has a designated moderator.  I also will continue to run the mentoring program and make sure we have someone call new members when new members join to officially 'welcome' them into the club.  I also go to board meetings and get to see more of the 'behind the scenes' issues in the club.  I thought it would be nice to do:  I get to talk to adults, feel like I'm contributing, and have an 'outside interest' other than work.

I sometimes forget that being a twin mom is somewhat 'special' and unique.  It isn't until I talk to other mothers of twins that I realize how neat it really is.  Its just reality to me.  It isn't until I'm out in the world and I'm stopped every 5 feet by a stranger ("you must have your hands full/are they twins/God bless you (my favorite)/you're supermom/etc") that I remember how different it is.

Its also very $$.  Money continues to be a big stressor for us right now.  We're considering getting rid of a car and our cable.  We have cut out going out to dinner unless we already have a coupon.  I'm keeping a close eye on our grocery budget, but luckily we already don't buy any real 'junk', so there isn't much to cut down on.  Jason may be able to start working some weekend shifts at a local hospital starting in July, and that will be very helpful.

And I suppose we could always sell a kid.  Meorah is probably worth the most since she's the easiest, but I could argue that Tzelia is the better long-term investment:  she's definitely very smart and analytical already and has MIT or something similar in her future. So if you're willing to put her with her drama-queen antics in the first few years, I think you'd end up with a better deal with her financially.

Or you could take Zev.  He's about 90% potty-trained and already somewhat broken-in.  We could work out a deal.

Daycare week 1

The kids started daycare this week.  It is going to be a gradual transition.  On Monday, they were there for two hours, and on Tuesday they were there for four hours.  Today (Wed) the teachers have a meeting, so I am home with them.  Tomorrow they will be there for six hours, and then they will be there full-time by Friday.

My thoughts so far:

Zev:  Zev is in love.  The first day we brought him in, he took one look at the toys and didn't even say good-bye.  He was off and running.  It helps that he had friends there.  The father of one of them emailed me later that day and told me when he dropped off his daughter,  "Zev was having the time of his life, and he and Ellie were thrilled to see each other".  He did tell me that evening that "I was looking for mommy and she wasn't there".  I told him mommy didn't go to school anymore and that she went to work.  The second day he almost exploded with excitement when we pulled up.

I think he'll be fine.

The girls:  No worries there either.  No crying, no yelling, no sobbing when we left.  The director was surprised.  They got 'A+s' on their sheet.  Did great both days.  The teachers expect Meorah to walk any day now...they are working on it with her already.  They say that Tzelia is the fastest one there, even though she isn't walking (doesn't surprise me...the girl is FAST!).

They'll be fine.

What can I say:  there are no introverts in my family.  Social butterflies and flirts, all of them.

More practical stuff:  It is a PAIN packing everything up the day before.  Snacks, milk, diapers, etc.  Ugh.  It makes the evenings much more difficult and the mornings a bit more complicated.  Drop off can be anytime between 7 and 8.  Previously, Nicole was coming over around 8:15-30, and now we need to be out of the house by 7:30.  So the kids' schedule has moved up half an hour.  I still get up at the same time, but it means the morning routine is slightly more rushed.

It also doesn't help that the kids are actually in different buildings across the street from each other.  What we are planning on doing:  we all go in the minivan to drop off the kids.  Jason will take Zev or the girls, and I will take the other.  Jason will then continue to work from there (its a 20 minute walk or a 5 minute bus ride) and I will continue to work from there in the minivan; the daycare is slightly out of my way, but not horribly.  For pick-up, either we'll meet there together, or I'll go pick up the girls and Jason can pick up Zev himself and they can both take the bus.  We haven't figured that out yet.

Overall it was a good choice.  Zev will get a lot out of it and I think the girls will too.

We are still trying to set up a 'good-bye' conversation with Nicole over the phone.  We have been playing phone tag.  She sent me an email a few days ago asking how the kids were doing and saying how much she missed them and thought about them every day.  We got contacted by the DA's office, who wants to know if we are interested in continuing the trial.  While it isn't our decision, they will take our opinion into consideration.  Her pre-trial hearing is in May.

So things are settling into their new normal.  Slowly but surely....

On an unrelated note, I"m so glad its spring again.  This cold weather is just killing me.  And, I am going to my first board meeting for my moms of multiples group tonight:  they asked me to be the support chair since the old one was moving and I said sure.  I like being involved and it will be nice to become more familiar with some of the women in my group.  Not that I need more things on my schedule.....

Continuing the update

First, thank you for the support.  Its amazing how many people have come out to talk to me.  People I run into are shocked...some of them had even seen the report and were surprised:  "That was YOU??!"

I am lucky to have support at work and from friends and family.  Its been a long week.

I had set up some interviews with possible nannies and Jason and I also decided to check out a local daycare that friends of ours use.  This is the third time I've had to do a nanny search, and for those who have never done it....its exhausting.  I'm a member of www.care.com, and I posted an ad and received easily over a dozen responses.  Then I made the mistake decision to post an ad on craigslist, and all the crazies came out.  It was a full time job sorting through them all...in this economy everyone is looking for a job.

So I saw one girl alone when I was home with the kids on Wed afternoon.  She was ok...a former au pair whose English was only so-so.  Not ideal.  Then we had another girl come Wed night and Jason and I spoke to her.  She was fine.  Young, would probably do a good job.  It reminded me of when we were looking for a summer nanny...the kind of girls I had coming over are similar to Meredith:  young, some experience but not a ton, lots of enthusiasm, etc.  And cheap.  Ha.

Then we saw the daycare on Thursday afternoon.  Its a private daycare run by a nice woman from Peru.  A very open and loosely styled facility, but also with the proper amount of structure.  Lots of activities for all the ages.  She is willing to barter with us, so we would actually pay less than her going rate (I know people in the US are usually afraid to ask for discounts, but you'd be surprised by how many people are willing to work with you).  The time is great:  7am to 6pm.  It is more money than we were paying Nicole, so that would be a major downside.  Also, the practicalities of getting three children out the door and to a daycare are more involved than simply having a nanny come over.  The daycare is on the way to Jason's work, so we would all go, drop off the children, and then we would each go to work.  We could probably do something similar for pick-up.

I had scheduled someone to come Thursday night, but she was a no-show.  Jason saw a CPA Thursday  night concerning our taxes.  We are totally screwed for this year (long story, but our increase in salary means we lost some deductions and we now owe somewhere in the four-figure range to the government this year).  While we can't fix that, we can figure out what we need to do for next year to prevent it from happening again.  Unfortunately it will probably mean even LESS out of our paychecks, which is horrible timing when we're already considering a more expensive daycare option.

We've gone back and forth on the pros/cons of nanny vs daycare.  But what it really comes down to is:  what is best for the kids?  Obviously we can't make a choice that will totally bankrupt us, but we are willing to be a little 'in the red' for the next two-three years while all three of the kids are in daycare.  Zev is three, so we've got just a few years where this will be an issue.  Once he's five he'll be in public school.

Our decision so far:  we're going to try the daycare for six months.  We'll see how the money works out. And if it isn't working, we can then take our time to find a good nanny rather than rushing through the process right now.  In the meantime we are doing MAJOR budget examinations to see what we can cut down on.  We already stopped going out to eat, but there are other things we can try:  getting rid of cable (we can use Hulu or some other program to download the one or two programs we watch..we actually don't really watch TV and I'd be fine not watching it at all), getting rid of one of our cars, decreasing our membership to the YMCA to a single + family or just single for me, etc.  Little changes that add up.  I'm going to go through our groceries and see if we could possibly get cheaper options at Costco and do some comparison shopping.  We already use cloth diapers and I already get most of the children's clothes used.  Our main output (other than mortgage and childcare) are groceries and health-related things, which we could also possibly cut back on.

I do feel better now that we have a tentative plan.  Department of Family Services is doing a home-visit on Thursday.  We spoke to Nicole on Monday night to officially let her know she was fired.  Jason spoke to a social worker to get some advice on how to handle this and we spoke to Zev and told him that Nikki would not be coming to see him anymore; she is going to stay home to watch her daughter, but she loves him and misses him.  We also asked him if he remembered being in the car (and this is where I almost cried):

Jason:  Zev, do you remember being in the car?
Zev:  Yes, I was in the car and I wanted to get out and I was crying
Jason:  Well, Zev, that was not supposed to happen.  You are not supposed to be left alone in a car.  That was a mistake.  If someone leaves you in a car alone, you need to tell Mommy or Daddy, ok?
Zev:  yeah...you can't play with playdough when the sisters are downstairs or they'll try to eat it

(obviously he wasn't paying all that much attention to the conversation)

We're going to try to have him talk to Nikki on the phone so he can say good-bye.

Its just very sad.  But I am feeling better...

Horrible update

I haven't updated because we've been in crisis mode.

My nanny was arrested last Thursday.

I got a call from my husband on my way home from work:  she was arrested for leaving the children in our locked minivan.  The kids were being transported to the ER at a local hospital.  That was all he knew at the time, but I was to go to the hospital to meet them all there.

Great.  WTF?

Long story short:  Nicole had had the kids in the minivan and stopped on her way to pick up her daughter at a local strip mall near her house.  She left the kids in the minivan.  People saw the three children in the car alone, and started to panic.  Someone called the cops and some EMTs also arrived.  That was when she came out of the mall and was arrested.  The children were taken out of the minivan and transported to the hospital to be looked at.  Nicole was arrested and taken away.  It was all caught on a local news station and played on that afternoon news, the evening news, and the afternoon news the following day.  Close-ups of them arresting Nicole, taking my kids out of my car (faces blurred, obviously), etc.

They are estimating the kids were in the car for anywhere from 35-45 minutes.  It was about 60 degrees outside, and they all had temps of just over 99 when the EMTs got to them.  According to the news report they were red, flushed, sweaty, and crying.  We ended up in the ER for a few hours because the cops left the minivan in the parking lot, and we didn't have anything to go pick up it...so Jason had to drive home to get our second pair of keys, go get the minivan, leave my car in the lot, and then drive back to the hospital so we could install the car seats the EMTs removed, take everyone back to the parking lot to pick up my car, and then go home.

The kids are fine.  The ER at the hospital was incredible.  They made us sandwiches, got us apple juice, put on a movie, and got me a college volunteer to help play with my kids while I freaked out in the corner of the room.

Nicole went to court the following day and was formally charged with abuse and neglect.  She has a 'stay away' order and cannot come near my children until her next court date in May.

Obviously she can no longer work for us.  I fluctuate between depression and anger.  I was furious all day Friday and Saturday.  Then I was depressed.  Then furious again.  We spoke to her last night to let her know formally we couldn't keep her on.  Department of Family Services has opened a case and they will be doing a home visit with us.  We haven't heard from the cops at all, and I haven't even read the official police report:  all I know is what I saw on the news (which I keep watching over and over again...).

I feel bad for her.  I feel bad for my kids.  I feel bad for myself and Jason who now have to find another nanny ASAP.  I have already set up interviews.  We're also looking into daycares just to explore that option.

And that's all I have to say about that right now......  Just....WTF.....

being the mother of twins...

I never thought I'd say it, but its actually sometimes easier being a mother of multiples than a mother of a singleton.

Jason had taken Zev out yesterday morning for most of the morning.  I got the girls up, fed them breakfast, and then it was just the three of us.  Unlike when Zev was a young toddler and I would have to entertain him, the girls actually just entertained each other.  I was able to do some cleaning and some organizing while they played with each OTHER, chasing each other around the rooms, playing with blocks together, playing peek-a-boo in and out of a box together, etc.  It was quite cute.  And once again I became a little envious...that 'twin' relationship is pretty special.  They are learning very early how to play with others and have already developed a very special bond even though they are only a year old.  Its really nice to watch.

This is something I worry about for Zev:  since he isn't in daycare, he doesn't get as much of a chance to play with children his age.  Yesterday we had a playdate with a neighbor who has boy twins his age.  She also has a nanny, so is in the same predicament.  We chatted a bit about it...how to keep the boys active, different activities that are local we could get involved in, how to have them play with others, and the limitations of having a nanny.  She is pregnant and having her third, so soon she'll be in the same boat I was in a few months ago, when it even becomes difficult for the nanny to get out of the house with a young baby as well as the twins.  Poor Nicole has been pretty stuck in the house with the girls being so young and the weather so bad.  But finally the weather is getting better, and I hope she can get out more.  I did find a playgroup for her to check out, and Zev is in a class on Wed mornings at our YMCA that is an intro-to-sports class.  I think that, and playing at local parks once the weather gets better, will help.

I was asked to be a board member of my local Moms of Multiples club, doing the Support Chair.  I'm still considering it.  It would basically mean making sure the support group meetings have their leaders (our monthly meetings start out broken into groups by age, and my job would just be to make sure that each group has their leader available, and if not that the back-up is there).  I could do that.  There are actually only a few meetings left in the year, since we don't meet over the summer.  I like being involved.  My only hesitations are that I don't get a chance to get to the monthly meetings all the time since they are a bit of a commute for me, and that I don't really 'define' myself as a 'twin mom' like many do.  Maybe because I already had a child?  But while my girls are great, I'm not really into the 'twin-thing'...I don't buy matching clothes, or try to find 'twin' things.  But at the same time, I think being more involved would be nice. I suppose I could try it, I just don't want to make the commitment and not be able to keep it.

Not too much else.  Busy busy.  Work has now become even more stressful, but that's a post for another time.  Having more financial issues, which is worrisome.  I suppose that's just never going to go away, though.  We're in the yucky situation where we make too much money to take advantage of certain benefits, but not enough to retire young.  Wouldn't that be nice.....