Its starting to hit me

In a bad way.

Everyone keeps saying how difficult it must be to have three young children at home.  And before a few days ago, I said it actually wasn't that bad.

But honestly, the last two evenings have been rough.  Last night particularly.

Most of it was because I was a pseudo single parent for the evening:  the minivan died in the driveway just as I had finished loading the girls in their carseats to run out to pick up a prescription.  Jason spent the evening trying to jump start it (which failed and we ended up calling AAA to have them do it, but that was after three hours of getting jumper cables, pushing the car, going back and forth from the house to the car with a flashlight trying to figure out what was wrong).  While he was being mechanic, I was catering to three hungry and needy children AND trying to find time to feed them and pump.  I admit to losing my temper twice, which made Zev cry, which made me feel absolutely horrible.

It isn't his fault that he is two and can't understand if I need him to wait three minutes while I finish feeding one of his sisters (while the other one is also yelling at me from a bouncer).  And it isn't his fault that he tries so hard to be helpful with his sisters when they are sleeping, which just results in them waking up and deciding:  why yes, I'm hungry too!  And it isn't his fault that he says he is not hungry, then he is, then he is not, then he is but no he can't eat in the other room it has to be in the kitchen RIGHT NOW.

And the girls are just being newborns...they can't self-soothe and if they are hungry they also need to be fed.  If it were just one baby, I could easily handle that.  But two crying babies plus a crying toddler who is upset because mommy is upset....well, that just results in all four of us being upset (five, if you count Jason who is continuing to be frustrated by the minivan in the midst of the drama).

Sigh.

Its getting to me.  I know it is temporary, but as Jason said last night:  "What on earth did we do WRONG" (to deserve all this?)  I just decided I must have done something awful in my last life, and this is just karma paying me back.

No other explanation.

Massive bleeding first trimester
Bed rest at week 20
Nanny finds out she is pregnant that same week
Preterm labor at week 26
Two weeks in the hospital with Jason being single dad
Preterm labor at week 30, spending my birthday blind, unable to move, and throwing up.
Girls born 10 weeks early
Bad c-section recovery + lack of rest = ulcer the entire month of December
C-section incision that didn't heal all that great
Baby 1 staying in NICU for 6 weeks, baby for 8 weeks, leaving two weeks of balancing one at home and one in the NICU + Zev at home
Pneumonia 1.5 weeks after baby 2 at home
Nanny gets pregnancy complications and has to spend a week in bed...still unsure if she will need to stay there
Minivan dies

Yeah....the last four months have sucked